In case you have not heard, earlier today an announcement was made from the chairman of Constantine, which made City of Bones that good news was coming. The Hollywood Reporter made the announcement that The Mortal Instruments franchise was returning but as a television series. There’s no other news other than that on casting, what network it will be on, or if it will start from City of Bones. Production is set to begin next year. The article is here.
I understand that a lot of people enjoy writing shipfics where they transplant characters into a college setting. Since some writers may not be in college, or may have graduated a long time ago, I thought I’d offer a helpful list of realistic college meet not-so-cute scenarios. Forget baristas. This is where it’s at.
- I’m really passionate about this cause and I will give you this flier if I have to shove it down your throat
- vicious battle over the only left handed desk in the room
- my roommate’s boyfriend is staying over so can I please sleep on your floor
- it’s pouring and my final paper is in my backpack so I guess we’re stuck under this tiny awning together. do you think they’d deliver pizza here
- hey I have to photograph someone for class will you be my model
- hey I have to take someone’s blood pressure for class will you be my victim
- variations of the above
- I know I keep coming to the cookie shop and for some reason it’s always your shift but don’t you dare judge me I need these for my sanity
- all our friends are drunk
- it’s 3 am and I’m still in the library studying for finals and I’m losing my grip on reality and I think I just saw a ghost
- we’re the only two people in this club. what is this club even for
- humans vs zombies (see you can still have your zombie AU, best of both worlds)
- we’re the only people who ever talk in discussions it’s awful
- GROUP PROJECT
#both of us turned up at the wrong room for this lecture but don’t know where its meant to be #waiting outside for pizza to be delivered and both of ours are super late #you keep parking in the space outside my student house you absolute asshole #we live in halls opposite each other and I keep seeing you changing through your window #you’re the only other person in the room when I break the printer and I’m panicking (little-smartass)
- Neither of us bought the expensive textbook but there is only one copy in the library and it can’t leave the building
- This awesome professor only has one TA slot and we’re rivals
- I found your USB drive still in the computer
- I thought I was the only one who liked the waffle station in the cafeteria
- You keep reserving the good study room in the corner of the library with the windows
- We’re studying in the library and there are two people very obviously fucking in the stacks and we keep sharing embarrassed glances
- We’re both donating blood in the blood donation van in the quad to get out of the same class
- You decked me in the head while you were playing frisbee golf
- Wait, I actually have a competent lab partner?
- You’re the RA and you’re trying to bust me for having hermit crabs
- You’re baking cookies in the communal kitchen at 3am and I’m angry but also really hungry
- What are you doing at this table at the career fair
- Waiting for office hours
- I’ve been sitting in this seat all semester why did you decide to sit in it today
- Clearly we’re both really uncomfortable at this party
- You peed on my car. You were drunk. I was in the car. There will be hell to pay.
- We started racing up the three flights of stairs to class for some reason and we can’t stop
- You’re REALLY GOOD at using the right search terms for the academic databases and I’m on a deadline
-my friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex quick make out with me
-we’re always at the fitness center at the same time and end up competing on the treadmill
- Sorry my roommate puked on your shoes
- Can I borrow a dryer sheet? I ran out and the ones in the vending machine give me a rash
-Your school mailbox is right next to mine
-I saw you sneaking captain crunch and cutlery out of the dining hall
-My roommate borrowed your contraband hotpot and managed to set it on fire
-You keep using my preferred shower stall in the floor bathrooms when I’m trying to get ready for class
-My computer crashed and you’re the student worker at the IT center
-we’re both on althetic teams that aren’t as cool as the football team and they give us shit
- You’re part of the guerrilla theater club on campus and crashed my class for a performance
-What do you mean we’re under a tornado warning?
Wow, okay buddy, you’re BEGGING for a takedown here.
First world problems? Not a thing. People who say shit like “first world problems” are massive racist, imperialist, dismissive assholes.
If you’re ever tempted to say “first world problems,” do me a favor, and pull down a map. Tell me EXACTLY where the “third world” is. Make sure you correctly identify Switzerland as part of the third world, and Turkey as part of the First World. Don’t forget that Djibouti is a part of the first world.
Literally sit down and learn what “third world” means and why people from nonwestern nations think it’s a total bullshit term.
Second: you think people in the so-called third world don’t care about shit like makeup, and love, and technology? You think they don’t care about internet harassment? You think women over there don’t care about street harassment? You think they don’t care about fashion and clothes? You think they don’t care about music and video games?
Because THEY DO.
Right now, there is a woman in burundi teaching herself how to do a cut-crease eyeshadow look. Guaranteed.
"Third world" nations have fashion shows and fashion magazines. They care about street harassment. They care about the internet. They play video games. They know more about anime than your sorry ass every will. And the idea of "first world problems," which makes it sound like all women in "third world" nations are dealing with starvation, rape, war, acid attacks etc.
Women in Iran spend shitloads of money on makeup. Women in the DRC don’t just care about rape. Rape - the ONE THING westerners can be expected to know about women in Congo-Kinshasa - ranks NUMBER FOUR on the list of issues women in Congo want addressed. Political participation is number 1. Economic empowerment is number 2. Women in India are passionate about information technology, and you know what they hate? Coming to the United States, where Indian women in STEM are suddenly considered LESS GOOD than their male colleagues. My friends in Senegal taught ME how to download movies off the internet. Zimbabwe has a fashion week.
As Teju Coal points out:
"I don’t like this expression "First World problems." It is false and it is condescending. Yes, Nigerians struggle with floods or infant mortality. But these same Nigerians also deal with mundane and seemingly luxurious hassles. Connectivity issues on your BlackBerry, cost of car repair, how to sync your iPad, what brand of noodles to buy: Third World problems. All the silly stuff of life doesn’t disappear just because you’re black and live in a poorer country. People in the richer nations need a more robust sense of the lives being lived in the darker nations. Here’s a First World problem: the inability to see that others are as fully complex and as keen on technology and pleasure as you are.
One event that illustrated the gap between the Africa of conjecture and the real Africa was the BlackBerry outage of a few weeks ago. Who would have thought Research In Motion’s technical issues would cause so much annoyance and inconvenience in a place like Lagos? But of course it did, because people don’t wake up with “poor African” pasted on their foreheads. They live as citizens of the modern world. None of this is to deny the existence of social stratification and elite structures here. There are lifestyles of the rich and famous, sure. But the interesting thing about modern technology is how socially mobile it is—quite literally. Everyone in Lagos has a phone.”
95% of the people who use bullshit expressions like “First world problems” have NO IDEA what life is like for people in the so-called third world. You just like sitting there derailing.
And for the record? As a white, western feminist, DAMN RIGHT I concentrate on issues in the United States. Because when white western feminists try to “save” women outside the west? We do a SHIT job of it. We’re the ones who bowl over actual congolese women, and what THEY want, and say that the #1 issue affecting them is rape. We become arms of the imperialist patriarchal complex.
Classic example: the guy who was ruling Egypt for the British got british feminists to help him in his anti-headscarf campaign in Egypt. Why did he hate headscarves? Because he wanted to *break the spirit* of Egyptians. Not because he gave a shit about women’s rights.
How do I know that?
Because he was the head of the anti-women’s-suffrage group in England.
When women who live outside the west do awesome things, I will signal-boost them, and I will do whatever they think I can do to help. But I follow their lead. Because these are THEIR issues, and THEY know what matters to them. Not me.
FINALLY: My problems are not trivial. My problems are not bullshit. My problems are not to be dismissed with your racist, imperialist logic. Dress codes and makeup and music and books and video games MATTER. They matter to me. They matter to my life.
So fuck you.
And fuck your assumptions.
And maybe consider that YOUR first world problem?
Is that you can’t “see that others are as fully complex and as keen on technology and pleasure as you are.”
::stands up and applauds this response::
Have I blogged this before? Still bears repeating.